@Jake_Vig

The worst case scenario, or as I like to call it, the thing guaranteed to happen.

@Jake_Vig

Last Minute Gift Idea:

Chew with your mouth closed.

@Jake_Vig

Rarely does an interaction with someone end with me thinking “I guess I was wrong about people.”

@Jake_Vig

Netflix and scroll through the selections until it’s too late to start watching anything.

@Jake_Vig

I didn’t set my clocks back. I’m writing this from one hour in your future. We have jet packs.

@Jake_Vig

Someone just gave the agenda for the “third half” of our meeting. Guessing it won’t involve fractions.

@Jake_Vig

The correct amount of coffee is the amount where, if you perished, your heart would continue to beat for a good 2-3 days.

@Jake_Vig

The correct response to “I love you” is “prove it”

@Jake_Vig

It would be easier if they just reported which parts of the globe aren’t on fire and don’t have hurricanes.

@Jake_Vig

WHERE WAS OBAMA DURING THE SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE OF 1906???