A colleague asked me “what’s wrong?”, and that’s a month of her life she won’t get back!
My GF left me because she said I lied about stupid things. I was so upset I ate a car park 🙁
I thought it was impossible to do 450 push ups in a minute until I discovered lying
Wanted: Human left leg, to finish the monster I’m making in my basement. Will pay handsomely. No weirdo’s.
I’m single by choice. Just not my choice.
The first step to forgiveness is acknowledging that the other person is a complete twat.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
I don’t hate you, but if you we’re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I’d choke to death swallowing it.
Relationship status: Invented an imaginary GF, but she just wanted to be ‘friends’ and slept with my dad. Typical.