What a spectacular disaster may I get your recipe?
If I leave out a comma it’s because I don’t want you to breathe.
Some people ask, what would Jesus do. I ask, will it frighten the squirrels?
She’s carrying a torch for you because her flamethrower’s in the shop.
“My middle name is War-and-Peace.”
“It’s a long story.”
This day in history. 1675. English king Charles II ordered that all coffee houses be closed because the populace was becoming alarmingly alert.
You don’t have to tell me twice because I don’t listen either time.
Yes I’m still watching, Netflix, and it’s not like you don’t have things to be ashamed of.
My tumbleweed is never where I left it.
I can’t find my ceremonial porcupine.