@JimmerThatisAll What a spectacular disaster may I get your recipe?
@JimmerThatisAll @JimmerThatisAll If I leave out a comma it’s because I don’t want you to breathe.
@JimmerThatisAll Some people ask, what would Jesus do. I ask, will it frighten the squirrels?
@JimmerThatisAll She’s carrying a torch for you because her flamethrower’s in the shop.
@JimmerThatisAll “My middle name is War-and-Peace.”
“What?”
“It’s a long story.”
@JimmerThatisAll This day in history. 1675. English king Charles II ordered that all coffee houses be closed because the populace was becoming alarmingly alert.
@JimmerThatisAll You don’t have to tell me twice because I don’t listen either time.
@JimmerThatisAll Yes I’m still watching, Netflix, and it’s not like you don’t have things to be ashamed of.
@JimmerThatisAll My tumbleweed is never where I left it.
@JimmerThatisAll I can’t find my ceremonial porcupine.