These aren’t even hard anymore.
*while scrolling Facebook
I’m so glad Congress is going to make Facebook protect my data!
*clicks on “What Harry Potter character is your social security number?”
*wife runs back into our house which is on fire*
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
2nd month dating: A thousand lifetimes with you would not be enough.
2nd month of marriage: OMG you are the loudest cereal chewer on earth!
When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread all over my bedroom…so my wife can clean up after me one more time.
Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat’s medication.
There is no “I” in TEAM. But there is MEAT.
*driving my date to the ER*
I told you my possum doesn’t like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
*Jesus multiplies a loaf of bread for the masses*
From the back: Actually I’m gluten free now.
Jesus: ughhh, someone get me a fish