
I just spent the day painting our fence. All I know is tomorrow I better be able to do karate.
I just spent the day painting our fence. All I know is tomorrow I better be able to do karate.
6yo: Your hair looks pretty every day.
Me: Well, thanks.
6yo: Can I have some chips?
Remember back when we knew the 7- or 10-digit phone numbers for ALL our friends and family. Now the only phone number I know is 911.
I misspelled the word “camouflage” so badly that I made 6 different letter combination changes before autocorrect would even try to help me.
10yo: You know that’s not what they mean by exercise, right?
Me: Pfft. [continues shaking Fitbit up and down]
I don’t care what anybody says, my six hours of Black Friday shopping saved me at least $7.50.
Friend: You know that country song that goes-
Me: No.
Really, there’s no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money.
Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M’s because let’s be honest here.
Playing mini-golf with your family is a fun way to spend thirty-two dollars to watch your kid throw 18 tantrums in a row.