@Kateness8

stages of eating a banana:

– oh hey a banana
– it’s so sweet
– so easy to chew
– I like bananas
– oh god I’m only halfway done
– how big is this banana
– I’m so bored
– will this ever end
– one bite left
– I’m throwing it away now

@Kateness8

One time I was out with a guy and he needed new jeans so he opened up maps and just typed in “pants”

@Kateness8

People in horror movies be like “this weapon just saved my life, I’m gonna toss it aside now”

@Kateness8

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

Buddy I’ve got anxiety, I’ll make you a list

@Kateness8

Me: I made a perfect napping spot just for you

My cat: no thank you, I would rather be uncomfortable than do anything you suggest

@Kateness8

Instagram: look how pretty everything is

Facebook: look how easy everything is

Twitter: look how painfully funny everything can be if you just actually look at it and be honest

Tiktok: look at how dancing everything is

@Kateness8

I was just thinking “oh shoot I forgot something” and it came out as “oh fruit”

@Kateness8

Mustaches are just nose hairs that believed in themselves