turtles are just lizards who work in construction
me trying to fit into my pre pandemic jeans
can’t talk my ride’s here
Mice were invented in 1867 to help control the cheese population.
*walks into Good Will*
Hi yes, I’d like to trade my friend Will in for a better one.
I want to die from natural causes like being murdered by a sunset.
Someone in Australia please tell me how my hair cut turns out tomorrow.
Jaws (1975): A shark gets annoyed because a bunch of people break into the ocean
before camouflage clothing was invented, people would just stand still and make tree noises.
Him: I’m 100% Italian.
*trying to impress him*
Me: Wow that’s so crazy my dad happens to be a calzone