The average lifespan of a cheesecake in my house is about 2.5 hours.
Sorry I was gone for 3 years. I went on you-tube to watch to just one video.
It was midnight. I was alone and online with a lot of available credit. I saw an ad for boots. The perfect storm began. I bought shoes, a bra, 11 pounds of tomato sauce, a life-size elephant inflatable, and two used cars.
“Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” by Frankie Valli can come on and I’m all about it, singing that horn section and getting real loud I LOVE YOU BABY AND IF IT’S QUITE ALRIGHT I NEED YOU BABY.. u do that too don’t lie
My husband asked how he could make me happy and I said “hold on, I have a list” and he laughed, but it wasn’t funny because I did have a list.
My husband reprogrammed my radio stations to country so I pulled over and set the car on fire.
Some stranger replied to a tweet and asked me to date him, so I’m wondering what kind of weirdo does that and what should I wear.
My birthday is tomorrow. I accept gift cards, cash, cheesecake, or a beach house. You pick.
Just saw my husband’s glasses on the side of a milk carton.
Sorry I disappeared for 3 years, I was getting tiny pieces of styrofoam off my hands.