It’s not a bad movie if you fell asleep because clearly you needed a nap, not a movie.
Yesterday my son told me I was the funniest person he knows which was so sweet. Then he asked for twenty dollars.
I’m Irish which is kinda like being Sith, if I’m mad you can feel my hatred from anywhere in the galaxy
If anything happens to me and I die, please don’t tell my husband how many times I’ve used garlic powder instead of real garlic.
Everybody’s an atheist until the final two minutes of a sports game.
Not saying I’m impatient, but I do appreciate a murder in the first chapter.
My mom is learning how to use emoji and today she sent me the thumbs up. Did my mom break up with me? Oh well. We had a pretty good run.
I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.
Why stop at biting during sex?
Bite people all the time.
I was in the Valentine’s aisle looking for candy, and next to the adorable stuffed pink bears were the high-powered binoculars. Finally a store that understands the romance of stalking.