
Getting older is weird.
It’s like your brain remembers how much fun things were when you were younger, but your body is all like, Nope
Getting older is weird.
It’s like your brain remembers how much fun things were when you were younger, but your body is all like, Nope
I became a Veterinary Assistant because I’m always covered in dog hair and wear pajamas all day anyway
I’m like Moses parting the sea of dogs to make a space to sleep on my bed
So I was all like Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was all —
And I was Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was —And that’s when I knew it wasn’t gonna work out
It’s bullshit that my dog is a licensed therapy dog and he can’t prescribe medication
If you hate someone on your Christmas list, buy them parakeets.
I can’t wait til there’s a chalk outline filter
I’m tired and want to sleep, but I can’t stop imagining how the whole scenario of the first person to pee on a jellyfish sting went down
To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!
Waiter: Can I get you something to drink?
Me: just cheese dip
Waiter: ….
Me: With a straw please