Life hack
Them: You’re too pretty to look so sad
Me: Sorry, I’ll try to look more ugly
Everyone always tells me I look young for my age, especially since I started telling them that I’m 72
My Chihuahua every time someone knocks on the door
Getting older is weird.
It’s like your brain remembers how much fun things were when you were younger, but your body is all like, Nope
I became a Veterinary Assistant because I’m always covered in dog hair and wear pajamas all day anyway
I’m like Moses parting the sea of dogs to make a space to sleep on my bed
Michael Myers in his 60’s walking around killing people like he got no lower back pain
What in Willy Wonka Hillbilly Hell is this??
When I die if anyone is all like, ‘She was so full of life,’ just know that it was mostly cheese that I was full of
I might use a few or 30 filters, but have never tried to pass someone else’s photos off as me.
Even when my first avi here was a pug, I let people know that I wasn’t really a pug
To all my friends who lost weight- I found it
“I enjoy long walks…”
-Zombies
I just ate some leftover mashed potatoes out of my hair, and I don’t even remember having mashed potatoes
I don’t know which meme to get my news from today
I’m voting for whoever my cat thinks I should and my vote counts just as much as yours
I’m jealous of Eminem because my mom never made me spaghetti
We all started out as eggs here.
Apparently, some just end up cracking.
Dr: How are your new pills working?
Me: I cry, eat & want to sleep a lot
Dr: Those are common side effects
Me: Oh. They’re working fine then
If you have to ask me if I want more cheese I’m just gonna assume you were dropped on your head as an adult.