@LuvPug Getting older is weird.
It’s like your brain remembers how much fun things were when you were younger, but your body is all like, Nope
@LuvPug 
@LuvPug I became a Veterinary Assistant because I’m always covered in dog hair and wear pajamas all day anyway
@LuvPug I’m like Moses parting the sea of dogs to make a space to sleep on my bed
@LuvPug So I was all like Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was all —
And I was Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was —And that’s when I knew it wasn’t gonna work out
@LuvPug It’s bullshit that my dog is a licensed therapy dog and he can’t prescribe medication
@LuvPug If you hate someone on your Christmas list, buy them parakeets.
@LuvPug I can’t wait til there’s a chalk outline filter
@LuvPug I’m tired and want to sleep, but I can’t stop imagining how the whole scenario of the first person to pee on a jellyfish sting went down
@LuvPug To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!
@LuvPug Waiter: Can I get you something to drink?
Me: just cheese dip
Waiter: ….
Me: With a straw please