@MNateShyamalan i think a great bit would be if petsmart had just one big evil looking sword in this section
@MNateShyamalan @MNateShyamalan enough about microplastics. wanna try some macroplastics. i’m eating a frisbee
@MNateShyamalan don’t think i’ve met a single person ever who listens to machine gun kelly. he is less of a musician and more like a mischievous forest spirit who emerges every five years to haunt a very beautiful woman to the point of madness
@MNateShyamalan you would think “cyber-art heist” would be something awesome. it never is. imagine having a fortune in art stolen and when people ask what happened you have to be like “i updated my printer and within seconds a million in monkey jpegs was gone”
@MNateShyamalan you see me struggling as i carry a dozen loaves of bread down the street. “that guy must be a chef,” you think to yourself. wrong. baguette fight club
@MNateShyamalan me: my father shall hear of this
them: is he powerful and wealthy?
me: no we’re just close
@MNateShyamalan bringing a sharpie to IKEA and adding more dots to the names of their products
@MNateShyamalan wolf: little pig, let me in
pig: not by the hair on my chinny chin chin
wolf: ok you took this to kind of a weird place
@MNateShyamalan from now on, if you email me about a deadline i missed, i am just adding you to a thread with everyone else i owe work. y’all can fight it out over who i’ve disappointed most urgently, i’ll be over here breathing into a paper bag erratically
@MNateShyamalan guy who has only been to ikea, walking into his second furniture store: can’t wait to eat the meatballs here