I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
I don’t watch wedding shows and get excited about getting married but I do watch Dateline and get excited about being murdered.
Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can’t chase you because they’re holding scissors. The perfect crime.
Don’t you hate it when you use your phone as a dildo and accidentally pussy dial someone?