Never leave for tomorrow what you can eat today.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but sometimes you really need beer googles.
What I’ve learned in life is that there is a time and a place to be funny, what I haven’t learned is to distinguish those times.
I’m a social vegan, I don’t like meet.
My favorite type of women put their jeans on in this way; left leg, right leg, wiggle wiggle jump jump.
I hop around on one foot a lot because the other foot is usually in my mouth.