Who called it a wolf in sheep’s clothing and not a woolf?
Flock of bats
The first rule of Oedipus Club: mum’s the word.
“Peanuts make me swell up like a beach ball”
“Is that an allergy?”
“No, simile”
Velcrow
Nose
I must be ill – I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird. I think I’ve taken a tern for the wurst.
“How do you feel about this combination of paint?”
“Well, mixed emulsions really”
“What are these markings on the map?”
“They’re hill areas”
“Yeah they’re very funny, but what do they mean?”
I don’t want to speculate about the royal baby’s name, but I’m pretty sure it will start with #.
“What colour would you call this?”
“Fawn”
“What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?”
Orion’s belt? Waist of space!
Does anybody know what the word ‘delegate’ means? (Asking for a friend)
“Do you know what female deer are called?”
“Does”
“Sorry – does you know what female deer are called?”
Very sad to hear about Piers Morgan. Nothing’s happened to him, I’m just very sad to hear about him.