@ObscureGent

Group therapist: What’s your biggest fear?

Wolfman: Silver bullets

Frankenstein: Fire

Dracula: Lasagna, spaghetti…you know, most Italian dishes.

@ObscureGent

To see someone’s true savage nature, you must observe them eat crab legs at a buffet.

@ObscureGent

*First hour into camping with my family with no phone*

I have 2 kids?!

@ObscureGent

Most people will give you their jacket if you’re naked and tell them you come from the future.

@ObscureGent

Me: How’s it going?

Coworker: Can’t complain.

Me: Try harder.

Coworker: Life is meaningless.

Me: Atta boy.

@ObscureGent

Painted a fake tunnel on a wall today. Not one coyote has run into it.

@ObscureGent

[After 2 hours of explaining a complicated board game]

Ok, let’s just play and I’ll explain as we go.

@ObscureGent

ACME gave a credit card to Wile E. Coyote with no credit history, just so he could capture a bird. This is why banks need to be regulated.

@ObscureGent

2 kids walk into a forest and try to eat an old woman’s home and she’s the villain? I’m not buying it Brothers Grimm.