@OneFunnyMummy The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, “Don’t get me anything for Christmas.”
@OneFunnyMummy @OneFunnyMummy I’m not afraid I’ll yell out the wrong name during sex, I’m afraid I’ll yell out the name of the candy bar I’m thinking about.
@OneFunnyMummy -watches two minutes of the news
-locks kids in their rooms forever
@OneFunnyMummy My life as a parent is less Mary Poppins and more Shawshank Redemption.
@OneFunnyMummy Chips are not only delicious, but if you crunch them loud enough you can’t hear your children anymore.
@OneFunnyMummy Once upon a time I could complete a sentence and then I had kids. The end.
@OneFunnyMummy Eventually every parent reaches the it’s a good thing they’re so cute stage.
@OneFunnyMummy The only thing worse than thinking of what to make for dinner is then having to cook it.
@OneFunnyMummy Nothing says you’re a parent like being jealous of a tree because it’s all alone.
@OneFunnyMummy I don’t homeschool my kids cause the only historic battle I know is the one between Biggie and Tupac.