people don’t get a second dog. they get their dog a dog
the uber app should have what songs the driver’s playing
me to my student: go get your mom
my student, not moving: MMMMMAAAAAMMMMAAAAAAA!!!
self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings
vacation is not enough i need to run my brain through a car wash
who will die first, you or grey’s anatomy?
first dinner with other vaccinated friends and a man spent the whole time arguing with me about cryptocurrency. release the rest of the bats
jeff bezos trying to escape the earth because of a breakup is the most relatable thing he’s done
freezing my eggs so i can chuck em at his house later