@Paxochka

Guys, if you want to make a girl moan, tremble, and scream: be a spider.

@Paxochka

Champagne says I’m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.

@Paxochka

Pope joins twitter. Quits being Pope. Takes twittercide to a whole new level. Your move, drama queens.

@Paxochka

I’m 5’5″ and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.

@Paxochka

It’s cute how alcohol comes in a paper bag so when you hit rock bottom you have something to hyperventilate into.

@Paxochka

I bet when Hello Kitty finally grows up she’ll be called Hey Pussy.

@Paxochka

I’m slightly concerned my answer for everything is masturbation. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Poor? Masturbate. Lost the remote? Go for it.

@Paxochka

Keep your friends close and your enemies under the front wheels of your vehicle.

@Paxochka

I’m not taking the Democrat convention seriously until someone starts talking to a table.

@Paxochka

Sometimes you look at an ex and think maybe they’re not so bad. And then they start to talk and remind you why you hate them.