@PhilJamesson getting corrected
@PhilJamesson @PhilJamesson watching pre pandemic television during the pandemic
@PhilJamesson mathematically impossible
@PhilJamesson Me: if i had a time machine, i’d go back and kill–
Guy: Baby Hitler, we know
Me: …everyone who has ever interrupted me
@PhilJamesson three things we don’t talk about
@PhilJamesson Team SnapChat: Merry Christmas!
Me (tear rolling down my cheek): they remembered
@PhilJamesson [Lou Bega voice]
One, two, three four
[Proclaimers voice]
five hundred miles
@PhilJamesson the composer
@PhilJamesson me: can i please have some more?
bank teller: haha you’re gonna get me in trouble but ok ONE more fifty
@PhilJamesson me (when my escalator is working but the other direction isn’t): God is on my side as always.
me (when my escalator isn’t working but the other direction is): i am the cursed goblin man