@Pierre__4

COP: Do you know that you have an outstanding warrant?

ME: Well I didn’t know it was outstanding…..but I figured it was better than average

@Pierre__4

ME: I need a new phone, this one got wet

VERIZON: How’d you get it wet

ME: I talked dirty to it

HIM: ……

ME: Water asshole. How else?

@Pierre__4

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself

AND

When a women asks if you notice anything different

@Pierre__4

If I was a girl my best friend would have to come untangle me at least twice a week because I tried to take my bra off through my sleeve

@Pierre__4

If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind