@PretendMaker

*storms onto stage*
WHERE IS IT
*crowd gasps*
WHERE IS THE OXYGEN
*crowd continues gasping*

@PretendMaker

*into earpiece during date*
Ok now maintain eye contact
No not that kind of contact
Bro do not touch her eyes
Get your eye away from hers

@PretendMaker

A girl’s tinder bio said “I would die without food” uh okay me too

@PretendMaker

*shows up to marathon with perfect hair* Yeah I’ve been conditioning a lot for this race