Kids be like “Hey can you decorate outside my room for my birthday tomorrow like you did last year? But make it a surprise.”
What’s fun about having kids is being on a Zoom work meeting from home, and your child crawls under your desk, touches your leg, and announces that you need to shave for all to hear
Clock: “You need to get up in 6 hours.”
Me: “No you’re mistaken. First I need to Google the lyrics to that song from 9th grade, and then find the episode with the scene where they played that song on BH 90210.”
Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?
The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.
Camp counselors who choose to have our kids make slime and bring it home in their backpacks. Why do you hate us?
7: “I know why pee is yellow. Because you have to squeeze to get pee out, like a lemon.”
How dare the delivery guy ring my doorbell and disturb me with a package that I ordered.
“Mommy never mind I’ll ask you later when you’re not scooping the phone out of the toilet.”
– My current favorite child
Please give us space to grieve as I “made” my 7 yr old lose his basketball video game this morning by asking his brother if he wants watermelon with his French toast in the next room.
Me working remotely from home:
“Sorry I’m late to the Zoom, I got caught up in another *meeting that ran over.”
*moving laundry from washer to dryer
Sometimes I like to think that at the end of a long day, the chips and dip in my kitchen see me and think, “We thought you’d never come back for us!”
My special skill is making detailed shopping lists and leaving them at home when I go to the store.
Overheard in hair salon: “I have LITERALLY no shorts. Like I seriously have only 4 or 5 pairs of shorts.”
This is why I can’t stand people.
People who can get up to pee in the middle of the night and fall right back to sleep, explain yourselves.