@RandiLawson

We’ve replaced the names of the foreign countries & leaders in Trump’s speech with the names of IKEA® furniture. Let’s see if he notices

@RandiLawson

Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You’re annoying enough as it is

@RandiLawson

Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside I’m composing a strongly worded email

@RandiLawson

Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now

@RandiLawson

Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones

@RandiLawson

This spa was amazing!

Umm Miss, you just walked through our car wash.

@RandiLawson

Any walk can be a walk-of-shame when you’re an adult wearing Crocs™

@RandiLawson

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi