@RandiLawson Sorry kids, if Santa were real he’d have a podcast by now
@RandiLawson @RandiLawson We’ve replaced the names of the foreign countries & leaders in Trump’s speech with the names of IKEA® furniture. Let’s see if he notices
@RandiLawson Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You’re annoying enough as it is
@RandiLawson Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside I’m composing a strongly worded email
@RandiLawson Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now
@RandiLawson Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
@RandiLawson a murder of crows, a pride of lions, a virgin of gamers
@RandiLawson This spa was amazing!
Umm Miss, you just walked through our car wash.
@RandiLawson Any walk can be a walk-of-shame when you’re an adult wearing Crocs™
@RandiLawson My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi