@ReticentTurnip

Some people say I’m suspicious and adversarial, and they’d better have a goddamn good attorney.

@ReticentTurnip

GOOGLE USER: What are symptoms of skin cancer
GOOGLE: 20% off best skin cancer now

@ReticentTurnip

Are you questioning my vocabulary skills, pal? Cause you are gonna get punched right in the plethora

@ReticentTurnip

JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn’t work out as you hoped
ME: Well I got two English degrees