@Rollinintheseat

I’m in a doctor’s office waiting room and there’s a People magazine on the table. I can’t believe Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are getting a divorce.

@Rollinintheseat

Person: Did you see Top Gun with Tom Cruise?

Me: He was busy that day. I saw it with somebody else.

@Rollinintheseat

“Please pre-register for your doctor appointment online, so we can ask you the same 57 questions when you get here.”

@Rollinintheseat

[Spelling bee]

Judge: Your word is ‘Invulnerable’.

Me: “I-N-V-U-“

Judge: I am pretty awesome.

@Rollinintheseat

Kids these days will never know the exhilarating danger of going 60mph down a burning hot metal slide.

@Rollinintheseat

[gazing into The mirror of Erised]

Harry Potter: *sees his dead parents that he’s never met*

Ron Weasley: *sees a Taco Bell opening in Diagon Alley*