@SLNerf_Herder

*struggling to get the peanut butter jar that I just closed open*

“HOLY COW, I’M STRONGER THAN MYSELF”

@SLNerf_Herder

“What should we call the big finger?”
“‘Thumb’ seems as good as any.”
“Impressive. What about this smallest one?”
“PINKY!”
“………….”

@SLNerf_Herder

I lost my phone and it’s on silent. Man! I should’ve listened to Beyonce.

@SLNerf_Herder

*Spider exam: How to scare people out of their mind*
✘ Fly
✘ Breathe fire
✔ Sit still on the ceiling and mind your own business

@SLNerf_Herder

I just got an email offering “free bible verses”. You know, because who can afford bible verses?

@SLNerf_Herder

*Superman put glasses on Mt. Rushmore faces*
Lois Lane: “What the heck?? Who are those people up there?”