@SaltyMacTavish

If I were a music critic I would write things like, “He really steered that car into the driveway” or “Her music makes me want to eat a quality pizza”

@SaltyMacTavish

I’m no fan of watching a train wreck, unless that train is pulling boxcars full of delicious delicious Raisin Bran®️

@SaltyMacTavish

The way I see it, you have 2 choices: you can go with the grain, you can go against the grain, or you can go across the grain. 3. You have 3 (three) choices.

@SaltyMacTavish

Me and the dogs are watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon. They appreciate the blue and yellow hues, and I like the orchestral score, but we’re not buying the improbable plot twists and we bemoan the lack of character depth

@SaltyMacTavish

My dream job is to be a gargoyle spitting rainwater away from the foundation of a cathedral

@SaltyMacTavish

If I pick up two cinder blocks and walk into the cold, cold Atlantic while we are talking please don’t take it personally

@SaltyMacTavish

The way my reading glasses fog up as I drain the spaghetti water into a colander over the sink…is this passion? I feel like this is passion

@SaltyMacTavish

My wife walked in on me sobbing uncontrollably while listening to an old song.
“Meat Loaf?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied, between the tears. “Can we have baked potatoes too?”