Baby, you’re a firework: You hold my interest for about 15 minutes and scare the shit out of my dog.
The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield.
Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we’re going.
I bet Ryan Gosling doesn’t even blow his candles out. He probably just winks at them and they faint.
A really effective car insurance ad would just show pics of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say: Because these girls have licenses.
Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start bitching when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.