@SufficientCharm

*Squatting over cat litter box*

Husband: What the fu-

Me: THERE’S A SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM

@SufficientCharm

GOD: Let’s give her ALL the awesome.

“But what if it’s TOO much awesome?”

GOD: Then we’ll divide it evenly between multiple personalities.

@SufficientCharm

My boyfriend thinks it’s cute when I use the clap emoji but I’ve just been trying to tell him that I have an STD.

@SufficientCharm

A woman isn’t really heartbroken unless she does something drastic to her hair.

@SufficientCharm

*weighs self*

“Shit”

*takes clothes off*

“GODDAMMIT”

*takes tampon out*

@SufficientCharm

I have really bad hearing & thought he said “I love turds” but he said “nerds” & now I don’t know what to do with this shit in my underwear.