@Swishergirl24

Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you’re rock climbing.

@Swishergirl24

I was hoping to lose weight when I quit drinking, but it turns out that’s not how pregnancy works.

@Swishergirl24

So far my favorite part about being pregnant is telling people I’m not pregnant when they ask when I’m due.

@Swishergirl24

Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?

@Swishergirl24

I just found out that the only thing you need to apply for a marriage license is your ID and an idiot.

@Swishergirl24

Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about idiot teenagers who don’t know the difference between sleeping and dead

@Swishergirl24

If by “unload the dishwasher” you mean take out clean utensils as I need them, then yes I unloaded the dishwasher.

@Swishergirl24

I’m white, but not like “has a golden retriever named Chance” white.

@Swishergirl24

Doctor: You have bronchitis

Me: OMG I’ve always wanted a dinosaur!What do I feed it?