@TheBlessMess

Dear Coworker, If I’m nodding my head & smiling at everything you’ve said, this means I’m fantasizing about getting banged by David Beckham.

@TheBlessMess

The best part of being an adult is eating whatever you want. I just ate a small man that pissed me off at the liquor store.

@TheBlessMess

Hoping to get “till death do us part” reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.

@TheBlessMess

My gang hand signals look a lot like the finger in the hole motion, followed by the call me gesture.

@TheBlessMess

I draw dicks on my face every Sunday night so my co-workers think I have a social life.