@TheBoydP

Guys, when she complains about something you didn’t do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok!

You’re welcome!

@TheBoydP

All I’m saying is if you really want someone to dance with you, you probably shouldn’t tell them to shut up.

@TheBoydP

Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.

@TheBoydP

“Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable…”

~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out

@TheBoydP

To understand the difference between Italians and Canadians all you need to know is two things. Italian sausage and Canadian bacon…

@TheBoydP

You have to love a boss with a sense of humor. Mine just sent me a 7am meeting notice on Outlook and I’ve never laughed so hard…

@TheBoydP

Who’s the idiot that called it “The Wizard of Oz” and not “The Flair Witch Project”?

@TheBoydP

The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That’s when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake…

@TheBoydP

All I’m saying is if you don’t want me to walk into the women’s restroom put words not pictures on the doors…

@TheBoydP

Four Worst Feelings Ever:

4. Losing your job
3. Romantic break up
2. Death of a loved one
1. Needing to pee when you’re stuck in traffic