@TheBoydP Four Worst Feelings Ever:
4. Losing your job
3. Romantic break up
2. Death of a loved one
1. Needing to pee when you’re stuck in traffic
@TheBoydP I’m not saying I spend a lot of time in the restroom, I’m just saying if you walk into my stall you can be charged with home invasion…
@TheBoydP Missed connection: She wanted classy and I thought she said gassy…
@TheBoydP If you don’t believe in evolution how do you explain such striking similarities between the doughnut and the bagel?
@TheBoydP Who’s the idiot that named it a Brazilian and not a Tropical Smoothie?
@TheBoydP [work email]
Me: Can I meat the new guy?
Boss: Meet? Okay, sure…
Me: Great!*hides bag of steaks*
@TheBoydP I was confused when my wife asked me what I spent $108 on at the liquor store. I answered “liquor?”
All is not a trick question. Apparently
@TheBoydP It’s hard for me to believe that the new Star Wars trailer has already been seen millions of times. How do they even know where it’s parked?
@TheBoydP What’s it called when a super model wants to date an accountant?
Wishful thinking. Obviously
@TheBoydP Of course I care about the environment. I spray air freshener every time I leave the restroom don’t I?