@TheBoydP

I enjoy learning about the world by watching the Olympics. So far I’ve learned that Canada ISN’T the only country that participates in curling.

@TheBoydP

Fact: The purpose of waking up with hangovers when you’re young is to prepare you for how it feels to wake up when you’re old.

@TheBoydP

The lady cutting my hair asked me to lift my head like I was taking a selfie. I don’t know what’s worse, her request or me knowing exactly what to do.

@TheBoydP

*eats a carrot*

*checks off new year’s resolution*

@TheBoydP

If your wife asks “Why are you like that?” It’s a compliment, right?

@TheBoydP

If I knew I’d have this many brain cells left, I would have partied a little harder in my twenties.

@TheBoydP

Circling toys in the Christmas catalog as a kid for your parents is the same as sending links to your spouse as an adult.

@TheBoydP

Pro tip: Always plug in your Christmas lights to see if they work before you untangle them.

@TheBoydP

Interviewer: Any questions?

Me: Why did pirates always get just one eye poked out?

@TheBoydP

How did so many people gain weight during the pandemic when salad was the only thing stores never ran out of?