It’s ok Apple users, I just woke up and found a surprise Nickelback album on my BlackBerry.
When my cats look out the window at another cat I like to pretend they’re judging and disparaging it with little British accents.
My favorite Skrillex song is the one where he drops a spoon into the garbage disposal and steps on a cat’s tail.
[on a test drive]
Me: Haha the heated seat feels like I peed my pants!
Dealer: This car doesn’t have heated seats.
Me: Does it have napkins?
Went gluten-free and already lost 15 friends in the first week!
When the internet is down I turn my bed into a make-believe boat and play Life of Pi with the cat
The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?