“My name will live forever!” – Anonymous.
NEW YEAR’S LOGIC
1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun.
2. Time to lay off chocolate.
“Al-Qaeda: ‘ISIS Goes Too Far’.” Ah the Middle East, where al-Qaeda is the voice of moderation.
“Church of England Formally Approves Female Bishops”. Congratulations British women! You can now move diagonally!
Serena Williams just thanked Me! You’re welcome, Serena! That’s what I do all day! Decide the winner of women’s tennis matches!!!
Ray Rice. Michael Vick. And now Adrian Peterson. Congratulations, NFL. Your woman/children/animal abuse trifecta is officially complete.
Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
“I am the way and the truth and the life and the muthafuckin’ shizznit.” (Snoop 4:20).
Wouldn’t that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? “So retro!”, you’d think as you were vaporized.
“It’s summer! Yay! No more school shootings!” – American children.
I giveth, and I taketh away. Why? Because I recycleth.
Everyone in “Star Wars”.
Everyone in “The Muppets”.
Everyone in “Game of Thrones”.This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters.
The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
Jesus was the only man to return from the dead and not eat brains.
The question is not “Why is Instagram not working?”, but “Why does the world need another picture of you?” #instagramnotworking