27 years ago I snot-bubble cried during Mufasa’s death scene and I am now while watching it with my 8 year old AND THAT CYBORG DIDN’T SHED ONE DAMN TEAR!!!
My husband pissed me off today, so I hid his keys by putting them in the spot where we keep our keys.
Me: Hi, I’d like to cancel my 8am appointment for tomorrow.
HR: For the last time, call in sick for work like a normal person!
Husband: Where do you want your wedding dress?
Me: Oh, just put it with the others.
First grade math makes no sense. I mean, who really buys 34 oranges and 21 apples in one day?!
Things that are terrifying:
A snake on my hike
My 3yo saying: ‘member your dark red lipstick that I like to draw with?
My favorite part about parenting is hearing things like, “Mom, you have eyes like a mongoose” from my 8 year old.
I may be short but I sure as heck can dunk. Donut coffee dunks are my speciality.
The way my 12 year old is using commas makes it sound like Christopher Walken wrote her essay.
I’m sorry that during sex I yelled, “Sriracha!!” but you said to say something hot.