Salesman: That’s our best selling couch.
Me: *sits* *bounces*
Salesman: What do you think?
Me: *grinning* Sofa so good.
Salesman: Please leave.
Can I come inside the house?
Why do you treat me like a doormat?
Me: You ARE a doormat
Doormat: Wow, the truth finally comes out!
People who sleep on the floor in a tent, build fires, poop in a hole and fight off bears…there is another way.
If a ship travels 24 knots per hour and the trip is five hours then how was there not enough room for Jack on that door??
I wonder if under reasons for divorce Elvis wrote, “A little less conversation, a little more action please”
Me: lay down
Me: arms above your head
Me: don’t stop once you start
He: when I said role play…
Me: *pushes him down grassy hill*
How dare you look down on me, judging me with your judgy eyes and your judgy attitude and…
Attorney: my client means, “not guilty”
*fighting with the husband*
He: deal with it!!
Me: oh yeah??? *calls parents and invites them for a long weekend*
Ribbon gymnastics class only it’s me trying to detangle the cord on my headphones.
The advantage of being an adult is that I can totally do whatever I want. Unless it interferes with my kids’ school or swim practice or homework or when they fight or when they’re hungry or tired.