@TweetsByTheTony @TweetsByTheTony 
@TweetsByTheTony Eating some turkey? Put gravy on it. Mashed potatoes dry? Try gravy. Headache? Shot of gravy. Depressed? More gravy. Lost a limb? Gra
@TweetsByTheTony In pretty sure my wife’s most prized possession is her plastic bag full of other plastic bags.
@TweetsByTheTony El Chapo is a murderous Mexican drug lord. El Chapo Supreme is a murderous Mexican drug lord with sour cream, lettuce and tomato.
@TweetsByTheTony If you eat a pot brownie and a Ken doll, you’ll poop a Matthew McConaughey.
@TweetsByTheTony Hey, girl. I noticed you checking out my Hello Kitty socks. Just so you know…the boxers match.
*winks*
@TweetsByTheTony [ouija board]
Who are you?
*board begins spelling*
G-R-E-E-N–M-A-R-I-O
What the — a Luigi Board?!
W-A-H-O-O–I-T-S-A–M-E
@TweetsByTheTony Brew coffee. Chill coffee. Use coffee instead of water to make Twice-Brewed Coffee. Win Nobel Prize. Begin to glow, levitate. Eat building.
@TweetsByTheTony The Lion King is probably my favorite children’s movie about running away from your problems until you’re strong enough to kill your uncle.