@TylerLinkin On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
@TylerLinkin @TylerLinkin Bacon causes cancer.
Canadian bacon apologizes.
@TylerLinkin Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.
@TylerLinkin Marries a mime. Lives quietly ever after.
@TylerLinkin A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.
@TylerLinkin I’m stoned. Either the smoke alarm is beeping or the house is backing up.
@TylerLinkin The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
@TylerLinkin I saw an image of Jesus in my breakfast burrito. I asked myself, what would Jesus do? And so I ate him. Two hours later… Holy Shit!
@TylerLinkin I call realtors advertising on bus stop benches and ask them the bus schedule.
@TylerLinkin What rhymes with Autoerotic Asphyxiation? Writing an obituary is hard.