@UNDEADTRESOR

“His arms are spaghetti, his feet are spaghetti, on stage he’s spaghetti, his Mom’s spaghetti.” – Eminem first draft

@UNDEADTRESOR

You should always read labels. I was about to eat this rat poison but then saw it has gluten in it. I could have died,

@UNDEADTRESOR

Why are karate people always breaking boards? Did boards kill their parents?

@UNDEADTRESOR

My milkshake brought a colony of extremely aggressive fire ants to my yard. 🙁

@UNDEADTRESOR

If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you Instagram it?

@UNDEADTRESOR

Not to brag, but I can usually tell if meat has spoiled between 4-6 hours after eating it.

@UNDEADTRESOR

Doctors just told me I have “stripper lung” from inhaling too much brass polish & if I go back to “JIGGLERS” again I’ll die.

@UNDEADTRESOR

I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.

@UNDEADTRESOR

I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.