@UncleDuke1969 can’t bark with your mouth full
@UncleDuke1969 @UncleDuke1969 “MOOOOOOMMM!!!”
@UncleDuke1969 “Dude, do you NOT know what a collar on the doorknob means?”
@UncleDuke1969 “Have you seen the cat, Sam?”
“The what now?”
@UncleDuke1969 me: [reading newspaper]
him: *stares*
me: do you need to go out?
him: *stares*
me: are you hungry?
him: *stares*
me: you want the crossword?
him: *wags tail*
@UncleDuke1969 also check out:
hooray it’s herpes
smile, you’re diabetic
depression for dummies
@UncleDuke1969 When your divorced parents are forced to sit together at your wedding.
@UncleDuke1969 they split up moments later
@UncleDuke1969 “Want a treat?”
“Is it medicine?”
“It’s peanut butter.”
“Is it medicine?”
“You love peanut butter!”
“ANSWER THE QUESTION, DOUG.”
@UncleDuke1969 An investigative unit, led by officer Arthur “Bugs” Bunnington, has arrested three members of the notorious “Garden Gnomes”, who’ve been terrorizing the neighborhood for weeks. Multiple items, including this 14ct necklace, have been recovered.
