“Where’s the pizza?”
“What pizza?”
“Sicilian, extra cheese.”
“Haven’t seen it.”
“The app says it was delivered.”
“Look, I don’t know what to tell you.”
water it, i dare you
work smarter, not harder
when you and your sibling have to pretend to like each other long enough for mom to take the picture
“Okay Nancy, try it now.”
“Okay Nancy, try it now.”
nothing like a slow cooked sausage
“We’ll get you another ball, Hank.”
“What are we doing here, Marcy?”
“Seeing how I’d look with bangs.”
I’m getting genuinely concerned about the declining literacy rate.
“While you were gathering nuts and playing your silly squirrel games, I studied the blade.”
my wife and i went furniture shopping this weekend and one couch just shouted “take me home” at us, so we left because nobody needs a talking couch
work smarter, not harder
my mother: you should still take a sweater just in case
HBO’s Cookie Monster is much darker