@UnimpressedWU

In lieu of exercise, accidentally send your text to the wrong person to get your heart rate up

@UnimpressedWU

Cat: if my calculations are correct, a meteor will destroy the Earth in 324 days…

[What I hear]
Cat: meow..
Me: awe, who wants a snuggle?

@UnimpressedWU

It’s like my cat doesn’t realize my retirement plan involves him doing something interesting enough to be famous on the Internet.

@UnimpressedWU

My memory is horrible but I remember every person I loaned a book to that didn’t return it.

@UnimpressedWU

If you enjoy waking up and checking to see what died, get a fish tank