@UpsideDad

My 16 y/o plays this hilarious game where he loses something, accuses everyone in the house of “moving it,” then finds it under his bed.

@UpsideDad

I’m going to start calling it “Auto Carrot” just so it can see how it feels.

@UpsideDad

My 12 yo has this bizarre illness where he suddenly needs to spend 20 minutes pooping every time we start doing the dishes.

@UpsideDad

Congratulations parents! You made it through the Terrible Twos! Your child is now three!

You’re gonna want to be sitting down for what I’m about to tell you…

@UpsideDad

Have kids so you can spend 2 hours making a nutritious meal and have it be labeled “yucky” by a tiny person whose last meal was boogers.

@UpsideDad

3: Daddy, please don’t do that joke anymore.

Me: Which one, buddy?

3: Any of them.

@UpsideDad

Me: [Trying to cultivate an appreciation for classic rock in my children]

My 9 yo: After three days in the desert, I would’ve just named the stupid horse.