@WilliamAder

Thankful that Five-Fingered Shoes company doesn’t make pants.

@WilliamAder

Auto correct changed “group hug” to “grope hug” and I’m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.

@WilliamAder

Turned off my lights for “earth hour”. I’ve never had so many other cars honking at me.

@WilliamAder

The only thing left for CNN to do is drop Wolf Blitzer in the Indian Ocean and see how long it takes to find him.

@WilliamAder

I got free pancakes on International Pancake Day. International Women’s Day is now almost over and I think I like pancake day better.

@WilliamAder

9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won’t tell you what they’re wearing.

@WilliamAder

Can’t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.

@WilliamAder

Me: I’m a tenor.
Her: You’re a six, and I’m being generous.

@WilliamAder

Every year on Valentine’s Day, I put a smile on my wife’s face
by taking down the Christmas tree.

@WilliamAder

Auto correct changed “mingle” to “mangle,” and now I’ve been uninvited to a Superbowl party.