@WilliamAder

I wonder if the dinosaurs were this goofy when they had their extinction level event.

@WilliamAder

Sorry the drone I got for Christmas crashed into your bedroom window.

@WilliamAder

I bet Jesus got tired of hearing, “This gift is for Christmas AND your birthday.”

@WilliamAder

Saw my Elf on the Shelf walking out of the D.A.’s office and now I have to lawyer up.

@WilliamAder

Found a pic in a box buried deep in the closet of me sitting on Santa’s knee. Hard to believe that was two whole years ago!

@WilliamAder

Turns out a spiral-cut ham will not walk down stairs like a Slinky.

@WilliamAder

I love how Presidents will pardon a turkey and then eat a different turkey.

@WilliamAder

Twitter: You already tweeted that.
Me: I ONLY HAVE TWELVE JOKES.