@WilliamAder They’re not called “butt hole mirrors.” They’re called “hand mirrors,” according to this clerk at Walgreens.
@WilliamAder @WilliamAder My wife’s been working in our garden for two solid days now. I never realized tomatoes required a big, six-foot-deep hole like that.
@WilliamAder Wile E. Coyote’s Amazon reviews of Acme products are pretty scathing.
@WilliamAder It’s just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.
@WilliamAder So, we tip the pizza delivery guy, but not ambulance drivers.
@WilliamAder When making small talk at a tweet-up, avoid using the word “fungus.”
@WilliamAder Senior sext: CAN YOU READ ME NOW?
@WilliamAder Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.
@WilliamAder Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.
@WilliamAder Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.