Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.
I asked my imaginary girlfriend, Delores, to change her name.
My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.
What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman and she asks, “Are you all right?”
King Charles should make Sir Elton and Sir Paul joust.
Thinking about having bacon and bacon for dinner.
Me: I’d like to schedule an eye exam.
Receptionist; Any particular reason?
Me: Bikini season.
Welcome to Twitter 2 point Uh oh.
When something with a lifetime warranty breaks, they send a hitman to your house.
For Sale: Washing machine. Active Wear cycle never used.
Call me when they release “Barbie vs. Godzilla.”
Starting a YouTube channel where I’ll react to people reacting to people reacting to reaction videos.
The reason I don’t use Uber is any one of you could be a driver.
Boss: Why were you tardy this morning?
Me: I don’t think we’re supposed to call people that any more.
People are going to get tired of these AI chatbots, because nobody likes a know-it-all.