Sorry I photobombed your mammogram.
Serious talk at the office of replacing me with an air-fryer.
Serious talk at the office of replacing me with a leg lamp.
I don’t like changing clocks twice a year. It gets expensive buying new clocks.
Job interviewer: Where would you like to be in five years?
Me: On paid administrative leave.
I once had a tweet go bacterial.
You don’t really appreciate a Chinese Spy Balloon until it’s gone.
No one wants to publish my erratic fiction.
I’d go to Mastodon, but I have zero dinosaur jokes.
You ever come home early from work and Alexa sounds disappointed?
Hear me out. Cauliflower made out of pizza crust.
Had to turn the heat on this morning, so of course I’ve started playing Christmas music.
I’ll probably stop watching “The Crown,” now that I know how it ends.
It’s not “Quiet Quitting” if you won’t shut up about it.
I bet that new show goes through dragon handlers pretty quickly.