@_NTFG_

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@_NTFG_

@_NTFG_’s account is temporarily unavailable because it violates the Twitter Media Policy. Learn more.

@_NTFG_

I’m not ashamed to say that when I saw everyone was getting these new “selfie sticks” for Xmas I thought it was some new fantastic deodorant

@_NTFG_

Asked a vegetarian if she’d heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes.

@_NTFG_

CW: What did you do on the weekend?
ME: I baked
CW: Nice. What did you bake?
ME: Me

@_NTFG_

A News Reporter just described someone as “Healthy as a Bus”.

Yeah….I don’t know either.

@_NTFG_

Of course I’m English.

I’m the retard convict cousin you shipped off to Australia back in the day.

@_NTFG_

SHAME ON YOU LOT for showing newby tweeters bad behaviour this weekend

*ring ring*
ME: Hello
FRIEND: Nat. Why is my son saying the F Word?

@_NTFG_

In a physio waiting room amongst athletes comparing their stories.

I can’t wait until my turn when I tell them I slept wrong on my pillow.

@_NTFG_

We woke up to a noise.
I grabbed a bat.
He grabs a can of body spray.
“Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?”